Table of Contents
Chapter One: Humans are not allowed to bend that way. I now have to have major surgery to reattach my lower jaw to my skull. http://www.cirquedusoleil.com/. Dralion was wonderful! My mouth was hanging open most of the time or it was just open cause of laughter. James and I had a wonderful time. We had seats next to the aisle and pretty good view of the stage. I recommend any Cirque Du Soleil show, to young and old. I think my favorite part was of the "Air Element." So graceful and beautiful, to be able to fly on blue silk. I wanna fly.
Chapter two: Big Hair, Illegal use of Leather, and Beautiful White Teeth. I was temporarily deaf after the Bon Jovi concert. James won the tickets at work. The seats weren't bad either. Far enough away from the screaming masses of preteens, sorority and fraternity dorks, but not too far to be in the nose bleed section. I really did think I had stepped back in time when I saw the "mall hair" in action again. Sad thing was that most of the mall hair was on folks my age and older. *shudder* Ummm the fashion police must have been gearing up for the Oscars because they were obviously gone the night Bon Jovi came into town. If you don't have the body to wear leather anything please have compassion for your fellow human and DON'T! Oh and we should have bought stock in Pond's cold cream, or hell, some type of chemical paint and varnish remover because the make-up was....was.....I am at a loss for words on this. Anyway. Jon Bon Jovi is just so pretty! The man has the best smile. Made my 80's heart all aflutter! The set was a good mix considering the fact they are promoting the new album. I really thought I would be unable to speak the next day with all the singing I did. It was a lot of fun.
Chapter Three: Movie, Movie, and Cards. Saw Chicago, pretty movie, entertaining and that is all I have to say on that. Turned around and saw Daredevil. Ben Affleck usually causes chafing but I applied a soothing ointment; he did ok. Jennifer Garner is beautiful and kicks major butt. She is allowed to wear leather anytime! Meet up with the Swains and played cards until 2am.
Chapter Four: Lazy Bums, I am Human not Android, and a major case of Cranky Pants. James and I took it easy on Sunday. We caught up on the Tivos and ate his and her egg salad. I had to leave at 8 to go to the sleep lab. I figured that I would have trouble sleeping in a foreign place but this was ridiculous. I had so many electrodes stuck to my person that I think there were more wires hanging off me than hair. My "hair" was something else. It touched the floor and had soooo many colors that my colorist would have been jealous. Just call me Medusa. I had some kind of probe shoved in my nose, which I spent most of my night trying to get it out only to have the tech come in and put it back. You know when you are half asleep you just can't resist the nose pickin'. 'Dammit I know there is a humongous booger hanging out of my nose and lingering on my upper lip. Just hanging out. What Up Booger?!' My ring finger was tethered to a pulse-ox thingy, which caused me to stay in certain positions. I am a stomach sleeper, not allowed. I had a strap over the chest just above the boobs. Another one around the tummy, which would slip and settle under the boobs. Who needs a bra? When you have two constricting straps with probes. No need for under wire! No! I had things attached to my legs. Where do you suppose those wires settled? That's right sports fans! In the crack of my ass. Nothing like pickin' butt floss at 3am. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep and the tech woke me up for the 100th time at 5am to let me go home. She said that I "slept" enough to get snoring recorded. Hmmm, maybe I should get a copy - Jessica's greatest hits: includes hits; Picking and Grinnin' Butt Floss and Mammogram While You Sleep, and the #1 hit, I Don't Snore. All for $19.95. And if you call now we'll include a year's supply of CRANKY PANTS.
Chapter Five: Wrap-up. The weekend was wonderful except for my adventures in Never Never Sleep. Sorry for the length, but I thought I would share.
Disclaimer: This is long people, you are warned.